What is the father's role in a child's life?

A father has such an importance in the lives of his children that we may not even be aware of the depths of it in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. In our article, we share the thoughts of renowned and recognized experts with you, so that we can all better immerse ourselves in this special and beautiful world.

Fathers are becoming more involved in their children's lives, but the traditional family model, in which father, mother, and their children grow up in the same family community, is increasingly disappearing.

Previously, on the contrary, families represented a greater value, but the role of fathers was often relegated to the background in raising children. Their task was to create financial conditions and protect them. The father spent little time with his younger children, often resting alone after work, in which his wife also supported him. They were able to deal with the older ones - especially the boys - better, they worked with them, their children helped them. 

New ideas that emerged in the meantime encouraged fathers to help with child rearing so that their partners could rest. However, the intellectual influence, teaching, care, and emotional support of the head of the family on children were not yet expressed. 

What are fathers like today?

Changes have begun in the past 50 years, and fathers have become increasingly involved in raising children. The number of people present at the birth of their child has steadily increased, they now pay special attention to the tasks around the baby, wake up at night to help, and feel that the burdens and tasks surrounding the family are shared.

Raising children is a real joy for them, and they don't want to miss out on it. Their emotional openness is supported by the attention, admiration, and humility they feel for their beloved little one. They can experience a new, deeper sense of responsibility. 

Source: Fathers for Justice Kh. Association

The father plays an important role in emotion regulation

This is true for both boys and girls. The father plays a very important role in self-esteem. We will mention two important things that the father should give his child as a guide: “I am proud of you, my daughter!” “Yes, that is well done, my son!”. 

The father-child relationship is just as important as the mother-child relationship. In emotion regulation, the father's role is much more important than the mother's. Do you know the picture when the father picks up the child and catches him, while the child is scared and shivering? At that moment, he learns that even though he is very scared, two strong hands will always catch him. He experiences security, his emotions calm down. 

The father plays a big role in starting the child in the world. That is why many people experience, for example, that when he takes the child to kindergarten, he lets him go much more easily. The father's presence is very important in a child's life. Most people are able to connect better with their child from the age of 1-1.5. If the father is interested in the care of the child before the birth, and participates in pregnancy programs, accompanies his partner to the doctor, and supports him during the birth, then he will feel much closer to the tasks surrounding the child and will not feel that he has been squeezed out. He can also connect with his child from the very beginning. 

Let's consciously pay attention to spending quality time with our children. If they don't get this, then even though they have a dad, they still don't have one. Because he's left out of their life, the relationship becomes empty. This is the most important thing. 

“The quality of a father’s presence, role, and behavior in the family are very important; the memories, values, and patterns he receives from them are forever engraved in the souls of his children.” (Prof. Dr. Emőke Bagdy)

Source: Prof. Dr. Emőke Bagdy

Source: Dr. Annamária Kádár

The role of the father in the life of a daughter

A mother can also praise her daughter, and this usually happens. But for a little girl, it is completely different when her father does this. It is common – and not by chance – that a little girl who is walking towards her mother, flashing her fashionable dress, is told by her mother: “Show daddy how pretty you are!” She steps forward and, visibly more shy, but still with a certain attitude, spins around in front of him. And dad confirms her femininity. A girl child can become a woman in a man’s eyes. This affects her self-esteem, it is an important feedback for her. 

Source: Dr. Annamária Kádár

A girl child needs a stable male role model.

Fathers often do not give their daughters the balanced emotional charge that would help the adolescent become strong. They need a strong male role model. Until the girl puts her own father in her proper place, she will look for what she did not get from her father in other men. We can say that she is looking for a substitute father, and in this role, in her relationship, she will be a little girl, not a woman. 

Source: Imre Csernus

Father in the life of a son

If there is no rivalry between father and son, but the father acknowledges his child, then it is also a kind of empowerment for him. He shows him about the world, about starting out, about daring, about setting boundaries, about taking risks, about male role models. It is important whether the father involves him in joint activities, DIY, assembly. Does he let him in, or does he always tell him off? 

Even as an adult, the child wonders if he can be good enough if his father never acknowledged him. 

Source: Dr. Annamária Kádár

You should always talk to your child about everything.

The family is still the primary environment for the child. The decisive, protective, solution-providing place for them. However, today many Hungarian families are in a bad state and cannot help their children. Mothers are very tired of their role. Fathers work, earn money. 

Yet many fathers rush home in the evenings and want to be involved in their children's lives, take on tasks, even go to the babysitter. If the father has this attitude, the family will be in a better state, the relationship between the parents will also improve, this is very important in the child's life. He does not react mainly to what we tell him, but to what we are like. He takes this from us unconsciously. 

You need to talk to your child all the time, and about everything. Divorce, death, sadness. There should be no taboos in the family! Because he senses the problems, but he doesn't recognize what he feels, and this causes him to constantly experience great tension.

Source: Dr. Tamás Vekerdy

The child observes the father in real everyday situations

The most important task of a father is not to entertain his child. Rather, it is for his child to see him act and express himself in competent situations. The value of acting together is primary, and spending quality time in the most natural way possible. For him, the home environment, the housework, is where he can observe his father. That is why there should be a separate program for the two of them. This way he can pass on his own values. Let's think, for example, of a walk in the forest. 

In early childhood, the father has a stabilizing role. He can bring peace to the family life by taking a burden off the mother's shoulders, calming her down, or even being strict in a given situation. 

Male role models are also very important for girls. Because a father does the same activity differently than a mother. For example, a father shows how to plan the activity in advance. A little girl makes a piece of art differently with her mother than with her father.

Source: Imre Bedő , Men's Club social organization

Fathers are key to emotional development

If the father can develop the child emotionally, it has enormous value. The mother cannot provide this wonderful, strong, lifelong effect in this way. But if the father is dismissive, then this can have an extremely negative effect. Why? Because mothers talk more, and fathers touch more. They play more often: they tickle, they throw, they wrestle. Their play, their style is more “dangerous”, more intense. In the process, the child experiences fear and a variety of intense emotions. They scream, they shiver, but at the same time they feel completely safe. The father can also calm the tension. Mothers play board games more, tell stories, which is also of great importance. However, touch, physical contact, brings out feelings more deeply, in an elementary way. 

Source: Ferenc Pál , priest, mental health professional

If there is no male role model in the child's life 

If the father does not live with the family, they rarely meet, the parents are divorced, or have passed away, it is still important that this male model is present in the child's life through another suitable person - a grandparent, a foster father. It is not the same as growing up in a complete family. It is also not the same how the loss of the father occurs. All of these can modify the child's personality development, but they can be compensated for. If the father does not provide a suitable role model for the child, then this can give him a strength that will help him decide that he will do things differently.

Source: Dr. Annamária Kádár