How should we prepare our child for the arrival of a sibling?

Do you want to make the arrival of a little sibling easier for your child? You made the right decision by consciously preparing for it, as this period will be new for the whole family, but perhaps the biggest challenge will be experienced by the big sibling. Let's help him make the situation easier for him!

If we want both children to feel comfortable in the extended family, we need to pay attention to a few things. The most important thing is the attention that we need to give our older child regularly. If we do this, he will also find much more joy in the arrival of his sibling and in the years to come together. 

Let's start with some useful tips at the very beginning

• Let's sit down with our child and look at photos from when they were little. Since the little one will receive more attention for a long time, the older child will benefit from showing him that we were waiting for his arrival in the same way, preparing for him. This way, he will feel less like a competitor because he will understand that he also received similar attention when he was born.

• Let's involve him in choosing a name . Let's write down a few names, any of which we, the parents, would be happy to give to the little one, and let the sibling choose the one that he likes the most. This will make him feel much closer to his little sibling. 

• If the child is involved in the things related to the arrival of the little one – buying clothes, designing the baby's room – the whole process will become more familiar to them and will become more natural to them. 

Once the baby is born, we should also do the following:

• Since the time spent with the newborn will inevitably increase, we feel free to involve the big brother in activities around the baby. 

• With the older child, we should have a separate program that is just his, when he is alone, or in a threesome with mom and dad. Then he will experience that this is his own program, in which only he gets attention. Dad can help a lot with this - by playing soccer, walking, eating ice cream -, but it is important that sometimes the mom also gives this to her older child while she entrusts her baby to someone. After all, the child also misses his mother's attention. This way he can feel that he is getting extra care too. 

Even though there are four of us in the family, it doesn't bring the same feeling, because the little one always gets more attention in this situation. 

• When relatives and visitors start coming, we ask them to pay attention to the older child, so that he or she can also receive praise and a little surprise. If we can't find partners in this, we can also mention during the conversation what the older child already knows and what he or she is good at. 

Can we entrust the little to the big?

If the age difference is large enough and we consider the older sibling reliable for the task, we can try it for a short time at our own discretion. However, we should always think about whether we want to give a child the same responsibility as watching over and protecting an infant. A child cannot be given the same responsibility as an adult, as a situation can arise at any time that they cannot handle.

You can't expect him to take care of his brother for long periods of time either. After all, he needs to play too, he's not mature enough to understand a little thing.

Let's respect big brother's games

Make sure that his toys and things are kept safe next to your little one. Make sure that he has his own space and doesn't feel threatened by his little sibling. 

Source: Childrearing - Ferenc Novák, childrearing trainer, pedagogical behavioral researcher

When the little one gets older and the older one can play and talk with him, he will become more involved in the game, and they will have fun together more and more often. 

Handle the new situation as naturally as possible

The family's default setting should be that it is completely normal for everyone to have a sibling. There are many motivational stories about this, which can be used to introduce the new situation to the child. 

The older one has deeper spiritual needs than the younger one. It's good if we focus a lot on him. Let his daily schedule remain, the time together, the evening story, so that his life doesn't get turned upside down. This gives him security. In fact, he should get extra attention, his own time, for example at bedtime. 

Source: Agnes Vida

What is sibling jealousy and what are its signs?

As the week gets underway, you will probably encounter some behaviors that you will know are jealousy reactions. It may happen that the child gets stuck in development or even regresses to an earlier stage. We may experience defiance, thumb sucking, aggressive behavior, and even excessive displays of affection. It is important to accept these phenomena because they are natural.

Sibling jealousy is a natural part of having a sibling. As parents, we need to know that these feelings are natural, that we need to accept them, and that we shouldn't suppress them. After all, a new member is joining the family, and the status of the only child is changing somewhat, which the child has to get used to.

The situation can be complicated if the child has to face additional changes: kindergarten or school is just starting, or they may have to hand over part of their room. The child approaches everything egocentrically, perceives from their own perspective, so they may feel that they have been kicked out of the home in addition to the newcomer. Therefore, we should pay attention to the steps and try to allow only one change in their life at a time so as not to burden them too much. Since children do not understand the situation, they may also connect things, which can have a detrimental effect. For example, it is not lucky when the sibling is brought home and the sibling goes to kindergarten at the same time. 

A lot of ambivalent feelings appear in the child's soul. As the two siblings grow closer to each other, later the younger one may feel the same way, since the older one often has certain privileges due to his age. He can do everything first, he goes to kindergarten and school first, this relationship will actually encompass their entire childhood. This is always a continuous frustration for the younger siblings until they often start to behave completely differently from the older ones. They differentiate themselves from each other, which is a good thing, because both will have their own area. Competition and conflict can turn into cooperation. 

Can sibling jealousy have long-term consequences?

One of the main problems is that in many families the phenomenon is considered a negative thing that needs to be eliminated as quickly as possible. If we force this as parents - because we want to appear to be good parents - and in our communication we show the outside world how good siblings our children are, then we will be making an untrue statement, because such a thing does not exist. This causes tension for the children. Rivalry is present in all sibling relationships, we have to accept this. 

Conflicts can be not only bad. They can help children develop and mature, they are real conflict resolution training. Through them, the child learns to compromise, bargain, assert himself in friendly ways, share things, give up privileges. These things have to happen, which we, adults, often have difficulty doing. We can also help them by playing with them and showing them how to handle situations. 

Accept their feelings. The child can experience them, but the actions that result from them, such as hurting others, should not be allowed. 

"Let's take the little brother back to the hospital!" 

Big brother often makes similar statements that are shocking or heartbreaking to us. At that time, we should understand him, because he is in a very difficult life situation, and he has the right to experience his feelings. If we suppress them, especially if we humiliate him or put him down for it, he will not express them in other life situations later. 

Source: Let's talk about sibling jealousy – PszichoPercek with Dr. Annamária Kádár, Ágnes Vida

Children learn best from their parents' example how to cooperate with each other, so we have a role in what kind of model we pass on. Let's always think about this when they argue, or even fight. Let's sit down with them and play a game in which they can experience that they can cooperate. 

Source: Agnes Vida