How to Handle Separation Anxiety
During the first months of a baby’s life, their bond with their mother is experienced as a very close, almost inseparable connection. To a little one, it feels completely natural that mum is always nearby, so they cannot yet imagine themselves as separate from this comforting sense of closeness. This stage forms one of the most important foundations of attachment, helping the child feel safe, loved and secure.
As your baby grows, however, they begin to notice more of the world around them and enter a new stage of development. This is when you may start to see them cry when mum leaves the room or steps away for a short while. They may also become more cautious around people they previously accepted happily, showing shyness, uncertainty or even tears.
Separation anxiety usually appears in two more noticeable stages: first at around 6 to 8 months, and later at around 18 months.
So what behaviour might you notice, and how can you support your child through this emotionally demanding, yet completely natural, stage of development?
The Two Key Stages of Separation Anxiety and How to Support Your Child
- At around 6 to 8 months, your baby begins to realise that mum is not always right beside them. Your understanding, patience and attention are especially important at this stage. Whenever possible, allow your baby to stay close to you and feel your reassuring presence.
- At around 18 months, separation anxiety can feel a little more intense. Your child may already be walking, exploring and discovering the world, while also becoming more aware of their own independence from their mother. This can feel unsettling for them. With patience, you can help them get used to this new experience, allowing them to move away and explore while remaining their safe base to return to.
Supporting a 6 to 8 Month Old Baby During Separation Anxiety
This period can bring temporary challenges for both babies and parents. It often appears just when we start to expect a little more independence from our 6 to 8 month old, yet this is exactly when separation anxiety may begin. Your little one gradually realises that mum is a separate person who may sometimes move away from them. This awareness can create uncertainty, which is why patience, understanding and loving reassurance are so important.
If possible, offer your baby plenty of closeness throughout the day. Talk to them often, as your voice can be deeply calming, while also supporting their language development. Pay attention to their signals, and when they need physical closeness, hold them, cuddle them or comfort them. It can also help to create a safe play corner in the room where you spend most of your time.
It is worth speaking to family members and close friends about this stage too. If they understand that your baby may be more wary in unfamiliar situations, they can respond with more patience and sensitivity.
Separation Anxiety at Around 18 Months
This stage can often feel stronger than the earlier one. Your child may now be walking independently and exploring the world, while also becoming more aware that mum is a separate person who is not always right beside them. Because of this, they may once again seek more closeness, cuddles and reassuring presence. Temporary sleep difficulties may also appear.
During this period, it is important to be patient and allow your child to “refill” their sense of security when they want to come back for a cuddle. The playground or another safe environment can be ideal for gently practising independence, while giving them the reassurance that they can return to you whenever they need comfort.
If you need to go somewhere, always tell your child where you are going, when you will be back, and make sure you keep your promise. Try not to sneak away without saying goodbye, as this can make them feel more insecure. When you arrive somewhere new, give your child time to get to know the surroundings and people at their own pace. This helps them feel safer and adjust more easily to new situations.
It Can Be Challenging for Parents Too
Separation anxiety can be difficult not only for the child, but for parents as well. It is completely natural for a mum to want a little rest or some time for herself. When a baby is especially clingy, needs more attention and finds it harder to cope with separation, it can feel emotionally and physically exhausting.
Accepting support from family members or close relatives can make a real difference. It is helpful to consider how long your child can calmly spend time without mum, and which people they already trust. Separation should always be suited to the child’s age and emotional maturity. A long absence or being left with someone unfamiliar can cause unnecessary stress and uncertainty. A gradual approach, while protecting your child’s sense of safety, can make this period easier for everyone.
What Not to Do During Separation Anxiety
- Do not leave your child to cry alone for a long time. At this stage, your calm and reassuring presence is especially important for their sense of safety.
- Where possible, avoid longer separations during this sensitive period. Your closeness helps your child feel that the world is stable and predictable.
- If separation is unavoidable, try to introduce it gradually.
- Explain to family members that your little one is going through separation anxiety, so they may react more sensitively to new people or relatives they do not see often.
- Do not force physical contact with someone your child does not know well or clearly feels unsure about. Let them open up to others in their own time.
- Accept your child’s signals and give them the chance to come back to you whenever they need a little reassurance.
When Separation Anxiety May No Longer Be a Healthy Stage
It may be worth speaking to a professional if the following signs persist, feel intense, or significantly affect your child’s everyday life:
- At the age of 2 to 3, your child is still unable to separate from their parents even for a short time, and experiences separation with strong anxiety.
- They show physical symptoms, such as tummy ache, nausea or headache, even when staying with someone they know well and like.
- They do not dare to be alone even at home, for example they are afraid to go into their own room.
- They are extremely afraid of sleeping alone, and this continues for a longer period.
- They withdraw from other children, do not initiate contact, or previous friendships fade away.
- They regularly resist going to nursery or school, and this becomes an ongoing difficulty.
Separation Anxiety Disorder: When It Is No Longer Just a Developmental Stage
Childhood anxiety can appear in several different forms. These may include social anxiety, fears linked to certain situations or objects, and separation anxiety disorder. Separation anxiety disorder can occur in preschool and early school-age children, when a child finds separation from a parent extremely difficult, clings intensely, and goodbyes are often accompanied by crying or strong resistance.
It is important to distinguish between separation anxiety as a natural part of development and separation anxiety disorder. While anxiety at 6 to 8 months or around 18 months can be considered age-appropriate, in separation anxiety disorder the fears continue at an age when they would no longer usually be expected. The child’s reactions may be stronger, and separation can become a serious emotional strain for the whole family.
If you notice that your child’s anxiety is lasting for a long time or significantly affects their everyday life, it is worth seeking support from a professional.
Common Questions About Everyday Situations
Can a child become more attached to one parent during separation anxiety?
Yes. It is common for a child to temporarily feel safest with one parent in particular. This is usually an age-appropriate stage and tends to ease gradually over time.
Can moving house or a major family change affect separation anxiety?
Yes. A new home, the arrival of a sibling, or starting nursery can temporarily increase a child’s sense of uncertainty. During these times, it is natural for them to seek their parents’ closeness more often.
Can a favourite comforter or soft toy help during more difficult periods?
For many children, yes. A familiar baby blanket, soft toy or other beloved object can provide a sense of security, especially at bedtime or during shorter separations.
Why is separation anxiety often stronger in the evening?
During the day, play and different activities can distract a child. In the evening, however, the environment becomes quieter and calmer. This can make the fear of a parent not being right beside them feel stronger, which is why cuddling, crying or difficulty falling asleep may become more common.
Can things become harder if we try to encourage independence too quickly?
Yes. Independence develops best when a child feels safe. Gradual, age-appropriate independence is usually much easier for a child to accept than sudden changes.
LiaaBébé’s Thoughts
Although separation anxiety is a natural part of development, familiar objects and routines can become especially important for a child during this time. A favourite baby blanket, comforter or comfortable pyjamas can all help them feel safer and more settled. This is why LiaaBébé creates beautifully soft, extra-stretchy baby clothing and baby sleeping bags made from bamboo viscose, gently wrapping little ones in comfort during rest while helping to make dressing calmer and less stressful.
Written by Mónika Veres
Sources:
NHS – Separation anxiety
