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Burnout: What Can We Do As Mums To Prevent It?

Planning a family, pregnancy, birth and raising a child open a new chapter in a woman’s life. You can prepare to a point, but you cannot foresee everything. Our personalities and pressure points differ. What feels manageable to one person may feel overwhelming to another.

Some of us lean into challenges. Others mainly want to avoid failure. That stance can be shaped by our past, and research suggests intergenerational trauma can echo into the present. When mental load builds, symptoms may seem to appear overnight. By the time physical signs of stress show up or anxiety sets in, the underlying strain has usually been there for a while.

Common signs include anxiety, tension, emotional ups and downs, sleep problems, fearfulness or dizziness. Energy dips, patience wears thin, interest fades, concentration becomes hard work. How do we get from here to burnout? This article aims to help you spot the signs sooner and feel confident asking for support.

Cross-link to previous article: How not to pass on our childhood traumas

What exactly is burnout?

Burnout is a cluster of symptoms that can develop after prolonged stress and emotional strain. It can arise in many life situations, not just careers. Most people pass through recognisable phases, which is helpful: if we can identify them, we can seek help earlier. Ignoring long-standing psychological symptoms can allow problems to spill over into sleep, eating, behaviours and physical health.

Mum tries to cook while also attending to her little girl

Burnout rarely has a single cause. It often reflects multiple pressures: long hours, lack of rest, high responsibility, money stress, and personal factors such as perfectionism, high sensitivity or persistent pessimism.

Research on parental burnout suggests it can affect a notable share of parents, with three core features: profound emotional and physical exhaustion, emotional distancing from children, and a felt inadequacy in the parenting role. Scales such as the Parental Burnout Inventory have been developed to measure it.

How is maternal burnout different from depression?

There is overlap, such as tiredness and low energy. However, maternal burnout tends to be tied most to the parenting role and context, rather than a constant low mood in every area. It is more often reported by parents of older infants and toddlers rather than immediately after birth. Because symptoms can mimic perinatal or postnatal depression, only a health professional can diagnose. If you are worried, please speak with your GP or health visitor. Postnatal mental health concerns can affect mothers and partners, and early help matters.

Possible signs of maternal burnout

Mum tries to cook while three small children keep interrupting

Ask yourself, honestly:

Are you trying to perform at 110% without asking for help.
Do you feel exhausted most days, with headaches, broken sleep and zero reserves.
Do you feel stressed or anxious much of the time.
Does life feel like a hamster wheel you just push through.
Do shared activities with your child feel joyless or distant, followed by guilt about snapping.
Do you feel like you are not a good enough mum.
Do you feel isolated or alone.

If several of these ring true for weeks, consider booking time with your GP and telling a trusted person how you feel.

Heard of the “default parent” idea?

In many families, the invisible load lands mostly on mums. Today there are also extra pulls on our attention. You can end up carrying everything. The social-media phrase “married single mum” captures how some mothers shoulder childcare and the administrative load while a partner remains largely out of the loop. If your partner helps only ad-hoc, you may feel you can never truly switch off. That chronic strain can fuel anxiety and burnout.

Some mums describe feeling like the “default parent”, carrying most of the invisible load. If this resonates, see our earlier piece on the Default Parent for simple ways to share routines more evenly.

Types of burnout

Sudden dip: things look fine until a sharp crash into emptiness, hopelessness and fatigue.
Slow fade: the light dims gradually. It is hard to notice, which is the danger. You feel you have “always been this way”.
Waves: alternating good and tough periods. Early on the good spells dominate, which can hide the pattern. Over time, low phases grow more frequent. Recognising this cycle is often the first step toward recovery.

What helps if you suspect maternal burnout?

Many mums hesitate to ask for help or feel they should cope alone. Problems can go unnoticed by partners who are out of the house all day. Please remember: prevention and early support work best.

Tell someone you trust how you’re feeling.
Speak to your GP or health visitor about mood, sleep and overload. They can signpost local services and perinatal mental health support. england.nhs.uk
Map the load: list tasks that truly require you and those that can be shared, delayed or dropped.
Agree boundaries at home: carve out protected rest windows and ring-fence recovery time.
Ask for practical help from family or friends.
Micro-recovery: simple, regular fuel for you — fresh air, hydration, a short guided relaxation, a 20-minute tidy-as-you-go rather than late-night marathons.
Coaching or therapy: coaching can help with prevention and boundaries; therapy supports recovery when symptoms are established.
Be kind to yourself: self-care is not selfish. Meeting basic needs protects you and your family.

Mum, dad and their little girl napping together on a lazy afternoon

Look out for each other

Because maternal burnout links mental and physical load, it may be common and under-recognised. Partners, relatives and friends often spot the signs first. Your gentle nudge can help a mum seek support sooner. In burnout, time and supportive people matter.

References:

NHS — Postnatal depression: overview.

Action for Children — How to deal with parental burnout.