Mental load as a mother

Pregnancy and having children is one of the most natural periods in our lives. We were born for this as women, and we instinctively know what to do. It is a joyful and exciting time, yet difficulties can crop up that we did not see coming.

It is impossible to prepare for everything, and being naturally optimistic, cheerful or energetic is not a guarantee either. We each have different weak points, feel uncertain in different situations, and tolerate pressures differently.

It can be hard even to recognise where a symptom comes from. It is not always obvious, and let’s be honest, with a baby at home the last thing we can manage is taking time out to reflect and look inward.

It is worth reading about the mental burdens that can build up, because once we understand the possible causes and solutions, we can soon start to feel much better.

We have gathered the most common reasons that can weigh on mums. This may help you recognise your own difficulties and find a way forward.

What exactly does mental health mean?

Put simply, it is a person’s psychological and emotional wellbeing. When a mental health issue appears, changes can be seen in thinking, mood and behaviour, with many possible symptoms and patterns.

What might we feel when balance is upset?

• Anxiety

• Tension

• Emotional swings

• Mood changes

• Sleep problems

• Withdrawing from people

• Low self-esteem

• Low energy

• Exhaustion

• Difficulty concentrating

What burdens might we face as mums?

We all view and process situations differently. Some people have no problem barely leaving the house for six months and even enjoy it, while others already find the physical restrictions hard in the last trimester. The typical difficulties are those challenges that most often arise.

Responding with excessive stress

Everyone thinks of stress as negative, yet it is a natural body process. Under load, nerve and hormonal changes create greater focus, alertness and readiness. It becomes unpleasant when stress goes beyond an optimal level, persists and affects mood, daily life and health.

Sleep deprivation

Mums’ sleep differs from other adults’ for hormonal and emotional reasons. Lighter sleep helps a mother hear every tiny movement her baby makes. Lack of sleep causes stress and reduces performance and attention. It can make you agitated or overly sensitive.

Burnout

Also called burnout syndrome, a common feature of modern life. It tends to appear when we spend a long time in stressful, emotionally loaded situations. Mums may pass through fairly clear stages: extreme enthusiasm at first, sidelining themselves, neglecting their needs, stepping back from relationships. Things become more serious when indifference, loss of motivation and persistent low mood set in.

Toxic environment

External circumstances linked to other people can also play a role. These are often family-based issues, stemming from a lack of empathy in attitudes, communication and actions.

Isolation

One of the most common, painful feelings, which often grows stronger once a baby is a few months old. Days at home can become monotonous, especially in autumn and winter, and sometimes only the persistent signs of low mood tell us it is time to make a change.

Experiencing trauma

Birth trauma can affect a mum if there are significant complications or injuries during labour, or even in an otherwise straightforward birth if certain interventions or behaviours are traumatising.

Beyond these, many individual stress situations can develop, depending on personality, environment and life events.

How can we help ourselves?

If we are clear about what is causing our low mood, we are already at an advantage. It may be due to an unpleasant external factor we recognise. In that case, we can try to address and remove it.

A first step that usually helps is creating regular me-time. This small break lets us retreat, reflect on our thoughts, identify sources of stress and recharge.

Talking with family members is essential. They may not know what we are dealing with. Low mood, anxiety or recurring fears are often invisible to others. Tell your loved ones calmly what you are facing and discuss solutions. Often a change or two can significantly improve things.

Amid baby care, parents barely find time to talk to each other. Missing communication usually weighs on mums more. Make space for pleasant, calming conversations, which release a lot of tension and bring the comfort of a supportive partner.

Let go of the belief, if you hold it, that everything around birth is rosy. Do not set yourself demands that would take huge strength and energy to meet.

Accept help. If that feels hard, remember previous generations raised six to eight children at once in close family networks. They needed each other, it was natural. Today families often parent in isolation. We do not need to return to a traditional extended family model, but we can choose a middle way where we ask and gladly accept support.

A daily walk with the baby is good for the soul. The calm of nature, or a quick shop, or a brief catch-up with friends lifts monotony. Meeting people can be especially helpful, bringing cheer and giving you topics to chat about beyond baby care. It is a mental reset too.

If you cannot manage alone, seek a professional

If you notice more serious symptoms that make everyday life harder and affect the routine tasks you previously managed without trouble, do not wait. Ask for professional help. What might these symptoms be?

Among others:

• Panic-like feelings or attacks

• Digestive problems

• Sexual difficulties

• Strong, persistent low mood

• Fears

• Ongoing anxiety

• Loss of joy

• Negative or sometimes frightening thoughts

It is important for mums to know that today there are specialist professionals for every problem, and they are easy to find online. Many services offer online consultations you can access from home. Psychologists, psychiatrists, mental health professionals and coaches are available, and you can even find specialists who focus specifically on mothers’ issues.

There are also free helplines you can call that are available in the moment and can help you find the right support.

Call if you are in trouble:

• Magyar Lelki Elsősegély Telefonszolgálatok Szövetsége (LESZ): 116-123, free 24 hours a day

• EMMA helpline for mothers before and after birth, at any stage of motherhood: +36 80 414 565

Can we avoid mental health problems?

There is no guaranteed way, because how we perceive and process a given situation or challenge depends on many things. We all face obstacles differently, with varying independence, self-confidence and self-esteem. Our family histories, ingrained habits and personality types differ too.

One of the best ways to handle the unexpected is preparation and learning. It is good to listen to others’ experiences, and it is wise to prioritise evidence-based books and online educational videos that offer real, positive solutions.

It is useful to read not only about problems but also about baby care itself. If a mum already feels during pregnancy that she will manage well day to day with her little one, she may experience far less worry after birth.

References:

NHS — Mental health in pregnancy and after the birth

Mind (UK) — Postnatal depression and perinatal mental health